Apocalypse? Really?

For the last few days there has been an incredible sand storm. The air, thick, yellow and heavy, feels like it clings to your lungs, skin and mood. It’s been a long rough week.

On the first morning we woke to bright yellow smog and humidity that you wouldn’t believe. As if the world was coming to an end. Eery and silent, even the dog didn’t want to go out.apocalypse

I remember the days that the smog was thick in Dublin City. They blamed the turf fires and industrial waste. People had breathing problems and the buildings turned black from the pollution.

Years of change, clean fuel and public awareness changed all that. Thick fog is unusual now and the people barely remember the days that the air was so thick you couldn’t breathe.

And yet here we were again. Struggling to breathe and wondering if it will ever clear.

They’re talking about the ‘apocalypse’ on the radio. It certainly feels like the end of the world.

I thought about my bucket list. And the fact that I never bothered writing one.  Like so many things, it’s just in my head.

So, though I’m happy to say, it seems that the world is not coming to an end; today was the first clear sign that the fog is lifting and the intense heat and humidity will ease.

As it lifts, so does my mood. I realize how impatient I have been during this week. How much having the sun shining and the skies clear affect my attitude and feelings.

I return to thoughts of the end of all things, time running out and what I might regret if it really was the apocalypse. I think of what I still really want to do in this world.

I thought I’d write a list here. Of all the things I want to do and be before the world ends.

And yet the page remains strangely blank.

You see, I don’t have a bucket list for two reasons.

Firstly, I don’t really believe that my time is running out (maybe that’s stupid, isn’t time running out for all of us ultimately). But while my heart and soul feel like I’ve got so much more time, I don’t have to panic or worry or wonder what I won’t manage to do. It’s just not in my realm of considerations (just like I never truly believed I wouldn’t fall in love and get married). What we don’t believe or consider to be true, we don’t prepare or plan for, it seems.

And secondly, I realize that I’m pretty content with what I’ve done and who I have become. And while there are always cool things to do, amazing places to visit and more stuff to learn, I think I’ve lived pretty well and has some really special experiences that I wouldn’t change for the world.

Perhaps this is the apocalypse, the thick fog, crazy politics, global warming, the panic of war, millions of refugees, and it’s just a matter of time before we reach the end of all things.

What would you do? Do you have regrets? Have you done enough? Are you enough?

And maybe that’s all we can wish for. And that my deepest wish for us all . That whether or not the end is nigh, we have done enough, we are enough.

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One comment on “Apocalypse? Really?

  1. Lisa – glad the weather is clearing up for you. Thanks for sharing you don’t have a bucket list written down. I too have not done one (I’m 64) and don’t feel ‘bad’ about it. Some folks say you MUST do one – like always having a big goals list. We all have to do what feels right for us. I’ve had to laugh at some of the really ‘out-there’ items people have on a list. When I asked “WHY?” they said because it sounds cool. To me, that list would be more for something I really, really wanted to do. But if it gets their juices going – that’s okay with me.

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