Dare To Tell – Day 41
Back in 2007 my uncle passed away. I was very close to him, he used to come and visit for Christmas and summer holidays; he lived in Glasgow, we were way down in London. We were really close, that was the year I was supposed to be coming to university. He was helping me with the application.
He had an illness called Sarcoidosis, he had organ failure and he was on his own. It was really sad. It was very unexpected; he would go through peaks and valleys with his health. He seemed to be really well, putting on weight and recovering okay and then he passed away.
At the time I was numb, in shock, and concerned for my mom, she was really close to him. It was a shame that he wasn’t around to see me get to university. Now I’m coming to the end of the degree, in my final year, he’s not around to witness the graduation, it’s painful.
It was at my uncle’s funeral, my other uncle from Los Angeles flew over. He brought with him some books including ‘The Secret’. He told me all about it. At that time, I had never heard of the Law of Attraction.
I started looking into it; I felt oh wow, why am I doing all this hard work when all I have to do is think positively and it will come to me.
It was a bit counter intuitive, in the sense that when I was reading and learning about it, it made me slow down and not put as much effort into the work that I do. I suppose it had the opposite effect than it’s supposed to have. So I’ve been a bit lazy recently.
If I think healthy then I won’t have to be as ill as I was at that time. You see, I have a blood disorder called ‘sickle cell’. It affects people in different ways. It doesn’t affect me too much. It does limit the amount of physical exercise I can do. I get tired very quickly. I get aches and pains in my joint. Recently it’s caused me to have two mini strokes.
I realize that I used the Law of Attraction without actually knowing it, as a young child in primary school. I said to my mom; I was ill in bed (last year primary school), I’m definitely going to go to university and get a degree. No one in my family had ever been to university.
My uncle’s death brought the awareness of the Law of Attraction to me. It’s helped to focus and stay positive. It’s kept me motivated.
I try to avoid being in an environment around people that only focus on my illness. So I haven’t told much about it and people who know don’t talk much about it, other than checking if I’m okay.
I try to move forward and focus on other things; like my degree and my desire to have my own racing team. I focus on what I need to do rather than my illness that’s holding me back.
Life is really short and I need to achieve what I need to achieve before I’m so terribly ill that I’m not able to do what I want to.
I’m renting a loft, living on my own, I don’t have any visitors, I suppose I’m living a bit like my uncle. Sometimes I worry that something will happen to me.
It’s something that’s always at the back of my mind, I bury it and when it becomes more noticeable I use it as a way to focus more on my dreams and plans and what I want to do; I use it as a motivator. I feel sad and optimistic at the same time.