Dare to Tell – Day 4 – Susana’s Story
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this kind of mantra.
I say to myself, “I won’t have cancer in my life; I won’t have cancer in my life”.
You see, my father died very soon after I was born…from cancer.
My grandfather died a few years later, also from cancer.
And my uncles, and then just a few years ago, my sister became sick with cancer.
So I keep telling myself. “I won’t have cancer in my life”.
I’ve always believed that it’s not fear, I’m not scared. I’m determined. It’s just not going to happen. I’m making sure of that.
But it bothers me.
It bothers me that when I hear that someone is sick, I don’t want to go to visit them. I feel that I have to run in the other direction. Almost like it must be catching…but that’s ridiculous.
I just keep telling myself, “I won’t have cancer in my life”.
It bothers me that I don’t want to see someone sick and people might think that I’m cold, that I don’t care.
And then I had that conversation.
When I said “I won’t have cancer in my life”, she asked me if that’s true. I reacted immediately, of course it’s true. My shoulders were raised, my fists clenched; that familiar determination.
Then she said, “what I hear is that you’ve had cancer in your life from the day you were born, that’s what’s true.”
I felt my jaw drop, my eyes opened a little wider, my shoulders relaxed. I had no words.
But I felt such enormous relief.
That is the truth.
I’ve had cancer in my life, for my whole life.
And I’m okay.
Maybe it’s finally time to say goodbye to the cancer.