Dare to Tell – Day 14
I was a stay-at-home mum for 13 years. When we split up, I looked around the council house we were living in and realized I was going to have to figure this out.
Within 3 years I went from nothing; no money, no education and no technical ability, to a well-paid job in a large organization. I had a bully of a boss, in time it took its toll on me.
I was rushed into hospital with a perforated ulcer, I was completely burnt out. During the 9 months of my recovery my boss came to visit and suggested that I look for another job. He said that people with a mental illness needed to have a job while looking for a new one if they want to better their chances of being hired. Being burnt out because of bullying was considered ‘mental illness’ in his books.
My strength and determination returned and I got a part-time, well paid job that allowed me explore the world of self-development. I did courses in NLP, EFT, hypnotherapy and lots of other areas; I got some clients, wrote some books, began building a business.
Then my brother came to visit.
We had been out of touch for about 15 years, we had just drifted apart, but he was my favorite brother.
It was New Year’s Eve and he was feeling unwell. In fact he spent the evening in bed. A few days later he called to tell me that the tests had come back, he had Stage 4 cancer.
I had lost mum to cancer, I knew all about it. I told him he needed to come here and be with me.
Ron had horrendous side-effects to the treatment; it was harrowing to watch him go through it. I became his nurse, his pride was gone and he felt like a massive burden to me.
Our very special bond returned over the 18 months that he stayed with me.
Four months after Ron moved in, our father was rushed into hospital and died within a week.
At that time I couldn’t help people, their problems seemed too small. I needed to figure out how to make money; clearly I couldn’t keep doing this work.
We had a box of drugs in the house in case he would hemorrhage. They told me it would look like a murder scene. There would be blood everywhere. I couldn’t leave him for a moment. If he were to pass out, he’d be stuck, I’d never forgive myself.
My clients were getting in my emotional way. I needed to focus on creating magic for my brother.
People were always asking me how to do stuff. I’m pretty good technically, so I became the how2girl! The business built up nicely and I could focus on the magic.
Ron got a lot of criticism; they said he needed to sort out his stuff. I had to learn how to support him in his journey and not tell him how to lead the rest of his life; that was not my job.
A few days before he died, he asked me to open a bottle of champagne. He knew his time was coming and he said it’s best to go out with style!
His pain became unbearable and he was given morphine; he moved between hallucinations, verbal aggression and sleep.
I walked into his room. I could tell by his breathing that something had changed. I went into the kitchen and poured two glasses of champagne. I put one beside his raised bed that had just been changed and freshened up. I knew that he liked to see the garden.
During those magical months he would often ask “Carol, are you okay?” And now I said to him “I’m okay Ron, if you’re ready to go”.
I took my champagne out into the garden I had made for him and sat down.
When I came back into the room, he was gone.
I’m most proud of the fact that Ron never had to go back into hospital.
And the magic I created for him.
Bad things happen in life, I’ve got lots of stories. But I’m prepared to go through anything and usually I manage to find some magic.
– Carol Dodsley is the How2Girl http://thehow2girl.com