Dare to Tell – Day 22
Clarissa’s story
Last Client
It was my second contract. I had such a good time and made good money, I decided that a second year made sense. I wanted to pay off my loans and buy a car. It was a great solution.
Straight out of school I trained as a beauty therapist. My clients were all kind of bored housewives. I loved that they were so happy once they had their nails done or their face cleansed. I like to hear the woman gossiping about each other.
But I needed a change and I wanted to make some more money. I was walking with a friend one day and she stopped at one of those employment offices. When she went in to talk to them, I read the notices in the window.
That’s when I saw it. A tiny advertisement in the left bottom corner, I almost missed it. It said ‘beauty therapists needed for Caribbean cruise’. I went into the office, got the application form and within two weeks I was offered a job.
It’s a weird mixture, easy work but long hours, beautiful locations but little time to enjoy them. The cruise staff was from all over the world and mostly really nice. The passengers were out to have a good time, at all costs.
It was a Friday night; the last night of the cruise. My favorite night because tomorrow we would go back to Miami and get a chance to do some shopping, phone home and take it easy for most of the day.
It was also the wild night of the cruise. Whatever the passengers hadn’t managed to do until now, this was their chance.
I was working late, I had a few clients who wanted to have a treatment and really enjoy the final moments of their vacation. He said he wanted some waxing done. It’s not my favorite job but I was the last one there that night, I had to take him.
He seemed pretty nice at first. He laughed and joked with me, he was very complimentary. He told me about him wife and new born second daughter. He seemed pretty devoted. He talked about his job and the promotion he was hoping to get this year. Nice guy.
I wasn’t expecting him to grab me from behind.
I wasn’t expecting him to slam me down on the table.
I wasn’t expecting the rip of my clothes or the burning, penetrating pain.
I didn’t expect any of it.
I felt so stupid, so shocked. I am too old and smart for this. This stuff happens to kids who take stupid risks, not me.
I’m so dumb.
He was almost apologetic and then thanked me.
Thanked me, shit.
I wanted to scream and shout, to lay into him, to tear him apart. Just like my brothers had torn apart and nearly killed that guy that did it to me the first time, when I was 14.
I said nothing. I’m so ashamed.
This stuff happens I know, but I said nothing. What the hell is wrong with me, I wish he was dead. Sometimes I wish I was dead.
It’s so sad that there’s an entire gender that has the real danger of rape in existence. It’s devastating that there are men that think that it’s okay to ravage a woman against her will. It’s sad and maddening that women are left to deal with the aftermath and the societal convention and accusation (and sometimes self-accusation) that somehow a rape is a woman’s fault. There’s nothing wrong with you, Clarissa. You are a beautiful woman who got trapped by a horrible event and recovery is not easy. But, I can tell you, it is possible and you have lives to touch. I know, because I do. With love – Deidre
Thanks for your comment Deidre, best wishes, Lisa