the very personal story I’ve been so scared to share…

There’s a story I’ve been wanting to tell for quite some time now. And I keep putting it off. Thinking I’m not ready to share it. Today it feels right.

It started some time ago.

I went for a routine Mammogram – I’m at that age and the doc had done a check, and was well but he said, “just in case.”

Everything about the day was ordinary. I didn’t even have to wait in line for long. And the test went smoothly. The technician had no expression, and gently but neutrally led me through the process. It wasn’t my first time.

I finished up earlier than I had planned, grabbed a cup of coffee and went back to work.

The next morning, I saw the kids off to school, tidied up the kitchen and settled down with a cup of tea in my office.

My mobile phone rang. It was the hospital. They asked if I would come back in, they needed to do an ultrasound, the next day. It was important that the doctor be there when I did the test. Yes, they had found something and they needed to check it further.

I was surprisingly calm. The next day I had an important workshop that had been confirmed for months with one of my corporate clients. I told them I would need to come in the following week, the next available time.

I put down the phone and the stories started.

You see, I’m a big believer in the mind-body connection, so the big question kept coming up.

Of course, I told myself, it’s nothing. It couldn’t possibly be anything serious, I’m so well, so healthy. I make all the right choices.

But that question just kept coming back. It would appear in my mind and I just kept shutting it out. And then it would re-appear.

Finally I listened to the question, it made me shake.

I asked myself ‘what have I done to manifest breast cancer, how is it possible?’

That night, I took off all my clothes and looked in the mirror.

I thought to myself, if this is cancer, well, the first thing is that I may lose my breasts. I looked at myself, really looked and the thought just jumped out at me.

‘They’re not that bad – quite nice actually!’

Then I realized, I could lose all my hair. And I felt sad, I’ve always loved my hair.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
The realization was so powerful it literally took my breathe away.

I looked at my naked body in the mirror and realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I had had such positive thoughts about myself. I began to cry.

You see, usually I look in the mirror to see what’s not right. To criticize and berate and judge myself. You know what I’m talking about, not thin enough, not beautiful enough, not young enough. I know that I’m not alone in this.

I can appreciate myself in so many ways, and yet, there always seems to be that shadow of criticism. That inner war.

And now, on the edge of a potential health crisis I realized that I badly needed to be nicer to myself.

And that this could be the reason that I had manifested breast cancer.

Tears running down my face and trying to breathe deeply, in that moment, I made myself a promise. Whether or not this thing is cancer, I need to be so much nicer to me.

And I’m doing my best to keep that promise. It’s not always easy. But it is a promise.

And thankfully, the ultrasound was fine. There was nothing to worry about after all.

It’s been an incredible lesson and the start of an amazing journey. I had a feeling it might resonate for you too. Does it?

Your comments and sharing are so welcome, here.

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12 comments on “the very personal story I’ve been so scared to share…

  1. Unfortunatelly sometimes we need that kind of kicks from our life to realize basic things, but it's always worth to learn not only from our own experience but from others too – thank you Lisa Bloom for inspiration. Take care beautiful 🙂

  2. Thanks Lisa, for sharing not only an extremely personal and touching story, but realizing the power of YOUR story for me and the rest of us. If I'm paying attention then I don't need to manifest something around THAT lesson because you shared and I listen. I also found great inspiration in the actual telling, since that is something which has never been natural for me, but is something I wish to cultivate for my own story telling.

  3. In December 2004 I had a stroke … and then another in April 2005 and then two more in the next eight months. The one in April kept me in a rehabilitation hospital for three months. I was only 55. I ate well, exercised and had little stress in my life. But I did have a rare blood condition which was diagnosed in 1975. It was what caused the strokes.

    The strokes came “out of the blue” so I wasn’t prepared as you weren’t Lisa. One left me with “funny” speech and poor balance but I’ve accepted the “disabilities” and moved on with my life.

    I always remember the saying “when life gives you lemons — make lemonade.” The disabilities are visible (I use a walker) so I deal with the “elephant in the room” right away. I’m thankful for the ability to show and tell others that if the strokes didn’t stop me nothing can 🙂 And what a wonderful story I can tell now!

  4. Thank you for sharing your story. My story didn't turn out quite as happy, because I had double mastectomy surgery and chemotherapy. I'm writing up my journey and it will be available next year on my five year survival anniversary. Best wishes to you.

  5. Oh my dear Lisa… I too had a similar experience with a breast cancer scare. At the time I was in my mid thirties, with 2 young daughters. I think the worst part was waiting for the test results to return. During that time I was mortified with the thought of leaving behind my girls and their father. At that very moment I decided to shut down those thoughts and continue with life as usual.
    Ever since I was a young girl, I have had the ability to believe " mind over matter ". On several occasions in my life I have successfully overcome obstacles, simply by changing my mind, acting and believing. The test results came back negative for cancer and it was discovered that I am susceptible to fibroids. Great thanks was given and the relief was welcomed.
    Thank you so much Lisa. I totally enjoyed reading your ebooks, they were interesting and fascinating to read. Thank you for the gift.
    I never thought for a moment that storytelling could be used for anything else but, storytelling. I can so see this increasing my business and forming a permanent residence in my life. Amazing!

  6. thank you for sharing Rose and sorry to hear you've been through such a hard time… I look forward to hearing of your journey and reading your book. love and best wishes

  7. Thank you for finding the courage to share your story. I’m a cancer survivor (melanoma) and after my surgery I was embarrassed to wear anything that showed the large scar on my back and smaller scars under my arms. But then, another cancer survivor told me to be proud of those scars because it showed I am a warrior and survivor. I never looked at it that way. It’s so easy to criticize ourselves but hard to praise. I’m still working on that.

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